You had to be a BIG SHOT, didn’t you?

Have you ever heard the phrase “If we eliminate the source, we eliminate the problem”?

That’s kinda how I’m thinking about these Zoladex shots I have to get. Let me explain in a very unscientific way. My former cancer cells had these little antennae-like receptors on them that basically acted like straws. The straws sucked in female hormones like crazy, which helped my tumors grow and grow.

A very scientific, well-drawn picture of a cancer cell using its straws to fill up and grow on girly hormones. I almost spelled cancer wrong. Thanks, cancer.

Imagine how a car takes in fuel to help its engine run. When you take away the fuel,  the car can’t drive. In my case, if we take away progesterone and estrogen, the cancer can’t grow back. We eliminate the problem.

There’s a catch though. Have you ever thought about what it really means to remove female hormones from a woman’s body?

She becomes a man.

Actually, it’s much more fun than that. I get to go through early menopause (hooray)!

Here’s the routine:

Every month, I go to the doctor’s office. I sit in the patient’s chair and remember to do my relaxation methods: I look at a focal point, lean back and remember to breathe. I chant my mantra in my head, “She is here to help me. I can trust her. It may hurt before it gets better and that’s okay.. I can trust her.”

The nurse brings in her kit. She opens it and gets a shocked look on her face. Her eyes widen at the size, no, the width of the needle. She says, “Wow, that’s a big needle!” a few times too many.

She looks at me with an “I’m soooo sorry” face, gathers all the flab on my belly and pokes it with the injection. Actually, its an implant.  An implant!! I get a poke and a prod AND a foreign object placed inside my body.

Every time, the work up and the anxiety are the same for both the nurse and me. And then, for the next 4 weeks my tummy is swollen and sore right at my waistline. At this point, I can’t wear even my coziest, most stretchiest stretch pants and I’m resorting to low rise, just-say-no-to-crack drawstring pants. I know, I know. That’s so hot.

And of course there’s those fun menopausal symptoms that make us all crazy – my bones ache, my back aches and I’m a senseless bag of emotions. I’m giddy, mad and sad all at the same time. You never know which Christi is going to come out.  Will it be the cute, sweet purring CAT that we all know and love? Or will it be the roaring lioness that you don’t want to mess with cuz she’ll get all cray-cray on your ass?

Hmmmm. Cancer or big shots and menopause? I’m gonna go with menopause and all that comes with it. As a side note, I’m just waiting for those hot flashes to come and am realizing that I can now relate more to people in their second half of life than those in their first. You feel me, Nana?

Meow. purrrr. ROAR.

Tell me about the biggest shot you ever got – what did you do? Do you have a mantra that you chant, too, or do you just faint and get it over with? Tell me your story in the Comments.

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