Today is the day before my final chemo treatment. I should be celebrating with noise makers, streamers and cake, but instead I have mixed feelings.
Tomorrow, people will call to say “Yay! Congratulations! Your tumors are gone and you’re all done. Be Happy!”
Well, call me Debbie Downer cuz I’ll say thank you and then politely rain on that parade. Chemo doesn’t just “end” on the day of the last treatment. I still have 3 weeks of isolation and risk of going to the ER. My blood counts are already borderline, so I’m fearful of what’s to come.
I’m also exhausted both physically and mentally. Party, you say? Smiles and small talk? Puh-lease. I’ll take a 1,000 naps instead. I’m looking forward to at least a year of recovery.
But I’ll let you celebrate. You’re allowed. This is a major milestone that needs to be recognized. You deserve a reason to let go and have some closure – especially my boys. They should have a party every day and chant “The tumors are what? Gone!” “The tumors are what? Gone!” “The tumors are WHAT? GONE!”.
Do it for them and do it for yourselves, but you’re gonna have to wait for me. I’m going to be fashionably late.