Is This For Reals?

I decided to take a full medical leave of absence from work this time and focus 100% on healing myself. I just received chemo treatment 3 of 6 and have learned that my PET/CT scan will be in 4 weeks. This is when I find out that the chemo is working – that its putting out my fireworks like a fire hose on a sixth grade campfire. Can’t wait for that day. I’m making S’mores.

While at home I’ve been writing a lot and learning about modern marketing. I want to make a website and serve others through it by helping them thru breast cancer and beyond. I want to do it right the first time, so I’m taking some courses through an online marketing school. The courses are about branding, websites, services, business etc., and the school has been fun! I’ve learned that your brand (and your website) has to be about you. It has to be authentic and transparent.

So, the assignments for this school are very introspective. They ask you to think a lot about who you are and what you want. One of the assignments asked me to tell my story about why I want to offer my services and what brought me to the place that I’m at. So far, this has absolutely been the hardest thing to write about. It took me days and rounds of editing, and I still wasn’t happy with it. I even walked away from it for a week, but I didn’t want too much time to pass because I didn’t want to lose sight of the project.

Finally yesterday I realized what was wrong. The story I wrote had an ending. It was about being a breast cancer survivor trying to go back to living a normal post-cancer life without knowing how to do it. I was facing all of this without any resources. There was very little information about how to create a “new normal” and the doctors had already said their farewells. I had to work it out on my own and, quite frankly, I thought I found a pretty good method. So, I thought I’d save others the stress and the struggle by offering my services to them on my website/newsletter/blog. The end.

The end? No wonder I “X”ed out the whole friggin’ page! My story only told about my life from Sept 2013 up to this February. What about the last 3 months? And holy shit! Has it really been from 2013 to 2015? That’s two years. I’ve been cancering for TWO YEARS. I’m not on chemo treatment #3, I’m on chemo treatment #5 (2013) plus chemo treatment #3 (2015). I’ve finished 8 rounds of chemo so far. What is this dark trickery?

Soooo, let me get this straight. My real chronology looks like this:

Cancer #1 for 5 treatments, surgery and radiation, then NEC (yay!)

NEC, PTSD and anxiety, a super cute pixie cut, back to work for exactly 6 months (p.s. work and chemo brain are a super great combo).

Cancer #2 for 2 treatments (initially thought to be a recurrence)


Cancer#1 ongoing (now determined to be a progression of the original tumor cells)

Anxiety is gone – why you ask? Because my worst fear came true. The cancering came back.

So instead of me telling my story from the perspective of “I’ve been through this and I know it all now” blah, blah, blah.. Now I can be honest and tell my story as it is actually happening to me. Its finally truly authentic and transparent.

And so is the fact that I am Queen Honey Badger aka The Bald Badass.

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