Radiation is over and I have a few more weeks of just chillin (recovery) before I go back to work.
To celebrate, The Avon Walk Team (Christi Crusaders) and I went to dinner in San Francisco the Friday night before their 39 mile walk. It means so much to me all the effort they have made for me and for their help finding a cure cancer. Not only did they talk the talk, they walked the walk – and raised over $5,000! Words cannot express my gratitude for their efforts and their friendship.
The following weekend I made my boys (all of them) come with me to the ACS Relay for Life opening ceremony. I needed *some kind* of closure, something to tell me that it’s okay to move forward. Phew, was that ever emotional. I went back that evening with a friend for the luminaria ceremony. I honored my mom who I lost to cancer in 2007, and other friends who have gone through it.
One of the speakers at the ceremony talked about what happens when the cancer is finally gone. What do you do next? What is the new *normal*? First you have to get yourself in order – make some positive life changes. Then you have to give back. People who give back stay healthy and live better lives.
But I’m still working on myself at this point. What does my new normal look like? Thinking about that is stressful to the point of anxiety. A friend asked me the other day what I was so worried about. Here’s what I said:
“Everything. I wake up everyday with butterflies in my stomache. I’ve been through some trauma and I’m sure my body is just reacting! But there is So much that I think about:
Will I get my nutrition right today? Can I fight that sweet tooth finally? (And if I don’t, I feel like a total failure, like I’m just asking for the disease to come back.)
Did I walk, yoga, meditate?
I have to find time to cook? Clean.
Did I get my hour of work in?
Have I been good to the boys? Get enough time w them? What can I do differently?
Who am I forgetting to call and touch base with today? Am I a good friend? A good wife?
What am I doing today/this month?
Did I call all the doctors, set all appts, take all the medicines at the right time?
We r getting ready to go to the lake for a week, so, packing shopping…all the “to-do’s”.
Back to work on 9/2. How to be successful in life (doing it differently) so I don’t get cancer again. How to juggle it all?
These are the things weighing on me every day. My mind is a whirlwind! And that’s just dealing w myself, let alone Mike and the kiddos!”
So that’s where I’m at. New normal mantra today, “Call me crazy, but life is good”.